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This has been extremely difficult, I just wanted to share a bit about Toby as today is his birthday he would be 11 years old today. I struggle every single day with losing him, I have not been able to go a single day without crying for him. There is such a huge hole in my heart... I miss him so much. I even called a meeting with the Dr's about 3 weeks ago, still trying to comprehend all of this. Toby was Mr Personality, he was goofy, he was so loving, although it took him most of 10 years to finally get out of puppy mode, he was so full of energy and loved life. My husband and I had decided when we got him that I could be a stay at home doodle mom. I am so grateful for that as I loved every minute spent with him. He struggled with severe seizures over the years, but we were committed to being by his side and providing the best possible care we could give him. He may not have been perfect for everyone, but he was perfect for us! I loved to take him in the yard and play. He loved his walks. He loved the snow. He loved his car rides! He was so easy going. I wanted to share a couple pictures, especially the one of him running towards me in the yard...he had the biggest smile! I had a canvas made of this picture for our living room wall. I loved his peek a boo pictures. He did play peek a boo with us. He loved carrying some of his toys around the yard. I hold on tight to the memories, I will always have the thousands of pictures I took of him, but still struggling with going through them right now. Wishing my precious boy a very Happy Birthday! I hope he is running around celebrating with all his doodle friends, siblings, and his brother Kachi today that have also crossed over the rainbow bridge! Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers the last couple months. 3364244291?profile=original3364244608?profile=original3364244582?profile=original3364244661?profile=original

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  • It's so hard when these special days come so soon after losing them. Jack was 10 days away from his 13th birthday when I lost him, that was a very hard day. I am sure JD is among the celebrants at Toby's party up at the Rainbow Bridge today. 

    Be kind to yourself, Debbie. Let yourself grieve, and let the tears flow. They still flow here. Please know that you are not alone in what you are feeling, and that all of your friends here share your loss. 

    Happy Heavenly Birthday, Toby. You will be loved forever. 

    • Thank you so much , Karen!  I do hope JD is running and playing with Toby today. I have had people tell me " it's been a month, get yourself together"..... I am isolating these so called "friends" right now because I guess they really don't understand the love we have for our doodle babies. Toby was an awesome companion, and a huge part of our family. I will forever love him, and miss him! Our house seems so empty right now, we are hoping to add a new furbaby to our family in a few months. I always wanted Toby to have a sister, but with the seizures and all the care Toby needed, he would sometimes cluster seizure over a period of 3 - 4 days in which we didn't get any sleep during those days, and he was blind after seizures, he was such a mama's boy, and he didn't like to share, I never wanted to upset him by bringing another furbaby into our home.We basically spoiled him rotten. I am going to take some time, then start looking to add our new furbaby, Toby's sister. I sure miss the cuddles, the  walks, the playtime....just waking up everyday and seeing his handsome face!  I know first hand now how difficult this was for you losing JD. Jasper is adorable! I know he has got the best home with you!

  • Debbie, there is no limit on grief. Its a journey that never ends but changes along the way. My beautiful Golden girl has been gone 7 years now and yet all I have to do is think about her or see her photo and Im in tears. Grief is the price of love...and I will gladly pay it for the privilege.3367115778?profile=original

  • You are allowed to grieve for as long as you want.  People who don't understand, will never understand.  We have many friends who are just not dog people.  They don't know what they have missed. 

    What a very special boy, Toby was with3367115295?profile=original

    his big smile and his peek-a-boo game.

      Happy Birthday, Toby.

  • I'm so sorry for your loss! Grief does not have a timeframe- it's different for everyone. Cry as much as you need to! He was so fortunate to have you for his mama- what a precious picture of him running to you....

  • I cried a ton the first month or two for Luna... I was also in early pregnancy so the hormones did not help :p

    Luna has been gone nearly 10 months and I still cry for her at least once a week.  I think about what could have been - a  nice, quiet mature dog in the house instead of my giant bear of a puppy.  I love Riley dearly but she is certainly more work than Luna would have been.  I miss Luna and her calm, steady presence, her silly growly greetings and kissing her little muzzle.

    Let yourself grieve as much as you need.  Dogs hold a piece of our hearts forever and it's ok to miss them forever too.

  • I'm so sorry about Toby. I've thought a lot about grief over the last year. I think it changes us in ways that people don't understand until they've experienced it. It's not something we just get over. It becomes part of us. It’s not always quite so raw and on the surface of everything, but it becomes part of the fabric of our being.

    I think of Ava every single day. She was my closest living connection. I went to sleep with her, I woke up with her, and she got all the best parts of me. That doesn’t just disappear. And I don’t want it to. I treasure all of my memories even when they make me cry.

    So don’t let anyone tell you that you should be over it. I believe that they are with us as long as we remember them. Toby will always be with you.

  • I am so sorry to hear about your Toby.  Love that you made a canvas for him to see everyday.  I did the same thing for my Lucky, and I see him everyday too.  It's been 2 and 1/2 years, but I still cry for him at times.  It means that you loved him deeply.  There will always be some people that don't understand.  This isn't about them.  Take care of yourself.  

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